Handfasting-by-Design             

The majority of funerals in our culture are based on
religion, so even though they are largely similar, there
are religious differences among them. The form of the
traditional funeral may be changing but its purpose has not.
The funeral is still an important ceremony that helps the bereaved go on living.

Protestant Funerals

A Protestant ceremony is the most commonly requested in this country, but the services are as varied as the denominations themselves. Very often a Protestant pastor will design a funeral service instead of following a particular book of worship. The pastor will usually ask the family what type of service they prefer. Protestant funerals are generally preceded by a visitation period. The casket will be open or closed depending on the family’s wishes, but it is usually closed during the actual funeral service. Those attending a Protestant service often send flowers or gifts as an expression of their concern and feelings. Protestant ceremonies usually include scripture lessons that relate to death and the Christian concept of resurrection. The service may also include prayers, a sermon, and group reading or singing of hymns.

Jewish Funeral Services

Jewish funeral services vary somewhat among the Orthodox, Conservative and Reformed branches, but in general the funeral itself is the beginning of ceremonies instead of the end.

The Jewish ceremony is relatively short compared to Christian ceremonies, lasting about 20 minutes. The ceremony usually consists of prayers that praise life and affirm that a life was lived. Jewish families sometimes prefer that friends make contributions to charity instead of sending flowers to a service.

Traditional Jewish families remain at home for seven days after the funeral. During this time, friends and relatives visit to offer their support. The emphasis is on people getting together to share feelings and memories, not on religious teachings.

Some families may attend services every day for the next year to commemorate the deceased. In doing so, they may become part of a community of bereaved persons with whom they can share feelings.

In contrast to Christian ceremonies, a deceased Jewish person. s memorial stone or tablet is often unveiled months after the funeral, which gives family and friends another opportunity to gather in remembrance. The deceased person’s name is also read aloud during synagogue service every year on the anniversary of his death.

Roman Catholic Funeral Services

The Roman Catholic funeral follows relatively formal guidelines. On the evening before a Roman Catholic funeral, a wake is held at the funeral home. Friends of the family may send flowers or gifts, although it is not uncommon for the family to request a donation to charity in lieu of flowers. Friends from other parishes can also ask that a mass be said for the repose of the deceased person’s soul, then send a mass card to the family.

The Roman Catholic funeral ceremony often begins at the funeral home, proceeds to the church for a mass, then processes to the graveside, where additional liturgy is performed. The casket is closed at a Roman Catholic funeral service, but usually open at the wake.

Humanist Ceremonies

While religious ceremonies serve their important role, about half of all Americans are not formally religious. These people often request a religious funeral from a church they had a relationship with in the past; settle for a religious ceremony and deal with hypocritical feelings, or do without a funeral at all.

Because relating death to religious teachings is only one purpose of a funeral, many non-religious people these days elect to hold humanist ceremonies. During humanist ceremonies, as in religious ceremonies, families and friends gather to acknowledge the death, offer support to each other, and express their grief. A friend or family member may preside over the ceremony, or the family may ask a pastor to conduct a ceremony that avoids religious imagery. Families who choose a humanist ceremony should ask their funeral director for assistance.

Humanist ceremonies commonly feature music, group singing and readings of poetry or literature that held some meaning for the deceased. In fact, group participation is also becoming more common during Protestant and Catholic services, which don’t offer as many informal gatherings as Jewish services.

Grief experts say this participation can be beneficial, having a unifying effect on the mourners. Participation also helps people show how much they cared for the person who died, and to reach out to each other.

"A man's dying is more the survivors' affair than his own." --Thomas Mann

What I'm going to propose here are some ideas for last rites--as with most of the other rites in this turn of the personal wheel, what happens at this time is going to rely on several factors, one being the person's own wishes (and we can hope that the person took the survivors, and not just themselves, into account when they considered how they wanted to be remembered in that final rite), the wishes/will of the family, and the traditions of those doing the rite.ite.te.e..

The Family:

The most difficult problem that pagan folk run into when one of their members dies is that responsibility for their last rites goes to the next of kin. It is a painful reality that devout pagans often end up being buried in a Christian (or other religious) service, because the family is the one legally entitled to bury them. Their pagan friends have no such rights.

So! If you are a pagan, and you have certain wishes as to your last rites, it's time to arrange things legally, so that those who will respect your wishes will be in charge. Otherwise, your family is going to claim you and bury you as they want you buried, not as you or any of your pagan family know you would want to be buried.

Decorations:

White candles, white altar, flowers (white is the color of death and mourning in many countries; but in this case, it is also a reminder of rebirth; in this rite, we're going to focus on that).

Needed:

A picture of the loved one.
A vase of flowers, enough for all.
A pitcher of water and a basin, to be set up just outside the circle for ritual "hand-washing."
The Ashes for burial if this is a burial rite as well.
Drums/musical instruments.

Other Ideas:

One thought is to have a cauldron filled with earth, and a bowl filled with seeds. Have each person plant a seed in the cauldron.

Cleansing:

Each person, using the urn of water, should rinse their hands just before entering the circle. This unifies the mourners and it emphasizes the quiet, special feel of the ritual.

Cast the Circle:

You might want to use callings for the quarters created/used by the loved one, and call upon his/her favored deities, as well as the God and Goddess.

Purpose:

HP/S states that all are here "to remember ________name, born_________, died____________. He/She has gone on to Summerland and now awaits rebirth."

Ritual:

Starting with a meditation or a song is always good at such times. Meditations on one's own personal death, or on a last communication with the loved one, or on a remembrance of past lives would be good. You might have slow drumming or soft music. I would then pass round the photo, have each person look at it, hold it before them so that it is facing the rest of the group, and relate a favored anecdote about the person.

This can also be done with a bottle of booze if you wish to make it more of a wake, or with a special talisman of the person.

If this is a burial as well, then all should head out to the area where the ashes are to be scattered (or the body buried) and there should be a rite at this point, as well. People may wish to bury with the person certain items--a wand or, if the loved one was a tarot reader, a deck of cards. People may wish to say good-bye.

The HP/S should have a final word before the circle is opened. With everyone holding hands, she should speak to/of the Goddess, of the turning of the Wheel, of rebirth, of this person now gone, and how we will all meet them again to enjoy, once again, their many wonderful qualities.

The HP/S should add that, in the loved one's place, she offers everyone a flower to take home as a farewell gift. She should then open the circle. Hugs should be exchanged.

may want to briefly introduce yourself, your staff, and your company or display your business's mission statement, if you have one. Make a splash!